How often are we taught that we should change things about ourselves to better fit our current situation or circumstance. We are told that in order to make it in this world we will have to settle for something we may not want or to change our plans so that they are more "realistic" and closer to the stereotypical "normal". What we are not told, however, is that we don't have to.
There is an old saying that states, "The future is what you make it." This saying rings more truth that most people give it credit for as, in most circumstances, you have no one to blame for where you are now except yourself. Yes there are cases where you may have been thrown into a situation that was totally out of your control, but we truly are the shapers of our future.
Once we get fixed on one goal or one state of mind, that is when the world tells us we are wrong and we must conform to what is "right". When the little boy states he wants to be an astronaut we heartily encourage it, but when the time comes to start working for that goal we are also the first to show that boy something else he should do. When someone has the natural tendency to react a certain way to a situation, we somehow find it our duty to show him the error of his ways even when there was nothing "wrong" with the way they did it. Why? What is so wrong with someone doing something their own way or dreaming big?
We have to come to the understand that, on both fronts, our own ideas or ways of thinking are our own and we need to keep it that way unless asked. We need to have the courage to defiantly stick to our plan or way of thinking, while having the common decency to not try and influence someone else into our way of thinking. It is our responsibility as humans to be diverse, to differ from one another, and to stick to our guns when we know we are in the "right", and shut our mouth when the other person is in their definition of "right".
It's not about letting someone live their life without your aid when they are in need of help, but it's also not up to us to correct every wrong we think we see. On the other hand, we also cannot become so fixated on something that we ignore everyone's attempt to help us, but we also need to stand firm in our goals and what we believe to be true. We must learn to never compromise when we know you are right and also to never cause someone to compromise when we may be wrong. Life is only worth living if we are living it as ourselves.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
It's about not reading too much into it
"You know it ain't easy for these thoughts to leave me... These feelings won't go away."
Whenever someone does something or something happens, it is a human tendency to try and read the deeper meaning of the action. Getting "the hint" is what makes up a lot of human interaction and is one way we avoid being directly mean to a person. The problem is, sometimes we read more into something then there is.
Whether it be semi-sarcastic remark someone just gave you, the cold shoulder from a friend, or the just too long hug from someone of the opposite sex, it's very easy to assume the very extreme cases. Those comments and actions that were meant to be a jest, sign of a bad day, and them just feeling lonely are suddenly transformed into a hateful comment, a sign of a ending friendship, and proof of desire. The unfortunate thing is there is little we can do to prevent it so we must learn to ignore our impulses.
While we automatically assume the worst, we must trust that the worst is not happening. That isn't to say we should go to the opposite extreme and take everything at face value, but a friend not replying to a text message doesn't necessarily mean they don't want to talk to you, someone not telling you they are safe doesn't mean they are in danger, and a casual "I love you" doesn't mean that they want to get married. Everyone portrays their feelings differently. You need to be prepared to accept that what you think is happening is wrong.
Whenever someone does something or something happens, it is a human tendency to try and read the deeper meaning of the action. Getting "the hint" is what makes up a lot of human interaction and is one way we avoid being directly mean to a person. The problem is, sometimes we read more into something then there is.
Whether it be semi-sarcastic remark someone just gave you, the cold shoulder from a friend, or the just too long hug from someone of the opposite sex, it's very easy to assume the very extreme cases. Those comments and actions that were meant to be a jest, sign of a bad day, and them just feeling lonely are suddenly transformed into a hateful comment, a sign of a ending friendship, and proof of desire. The unfortunate thing is there is little we can do to prevent it so we must learn to ignore our impulses.
While we automatically assume the worst, we must trust that the worst is not happening. That isn't to say we should go to the opposite extreme and take everything at face value, but a friend not replying to a text message doesn't necessarily mean they don't want to talk to you, someone not telling you they are safe doesn't mean they are in danger, and a casual "I love you" doesn't mean that they want to get married. Everyone portrays their feelings differently. You need to be prepared to accept that what you think is happening is wrong.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
It's about being blunt
"The truth will set you free"
How often is that quote thrown around with no explanation? We are told that we must always tell the truth, but we are never told it's often much easier to lie. Most people would rather lie to someones face and be nice than to say what they are really thinking and risk retaliation, but what we don't realize is that lies create more lies.
Now it's true that telling a lie to not hurt someones feelings does not mean you will have to lie again down the road, but what it does mean is that the "keep them happy" lie might cause an emotion or returned comment that would have not been given or felt if we had not lied in the first place. That feeling or gift is lie. Your "white lie" has now become something else entirely and, most likely, will require you to lie again to keep that "happiness" alive.
There may be a time and place for "white lies", but it's not something you can really take lightly. So ask yourself, is it worth finally breaking the chain later and hurting them much worse later when you could just tell the hard truth now?
How often is that quote thrown around with no explanation? We are told that we must always tell the truth, but we are never told it's often much easier to lie. Most people would rather lie to someones face and be nice than to say what they are really thinking and risk retaliation, but what we don't realize is that lies create more lies.
Now it's true that telling a lie to not hurt someones feelings does not mean you will have to lie again down the road, but what it does mean is that the "keep them happy" lie might cause an emotion or returned comment that would have not been given or felt if we had not lied in the first place. That feeling or gift is lie. Your "white lie" has now become something else entirely and, most likely, will require you to lie again to keep that "happiness" alive.
There may be a time and place for "white lies", but it's not something you can really take lightly. So ask yourself, is it worth finally breaking the chain later and hurting them much worse later when you could just tell the hard truth now?
Thursday, October 1, 2009
It's about saving face
Not everyone in your life is going to like you. Sometimes it's you fault, sometimes it's not, but there is always something you can do about it.
We can all in insensitive to others feelings by our actions. Something trivial to us can be very important and upsetting to someone else. An innocent conversation can turn to controversy, an expression can cause uncertainty, and a gift can cause jealousy. The unfortunate thing is that hindsight is 20-20; you can't always predict what someone will think about something you've done. You can, however, try to make amends.
In most situations and circumstances, an apology will suffice. Pleading innocence (or ignorance) is something most everyone does when we have wronged someone, intentionally or not. Detecting when we have wronged is usually easy to read if you know them well enough however, in some cases, it can be hard to decipher what it is we need to apologize for. We need to be willing to humble ourselves and talk to the one we have wronged about what is bothering them. Only then can you truly give a heartfelt "I'm sorry."
Sometimes sorry is not enough though. Sometimes words are not enough to mend what a seemingly careless action has broken. Sometimes you must repay the debt. It might be by buying someone lunch or a birthday present but, if you are truly wanting to stay in someones good graces, you may be required to spend time and/or money to show you really care. On a different note, you must also be careful to not overdue it and seem to want to buy friendship or fall into the trap of "over paying back." You want to be their friend, not their personal gift shop.
And finally, you must come to the realization that it is impossible to please everyone. It is hard to fix a bond that never existed. You can't always make acquaintances forget their first impression. You must be ready to walk away from the situation. It's more hard for some than others, but sometimes the best way to save face is to just leave the problem alone.
It's impossible to not want to be liked. Human beings are social creatures that live and die on the acceptance of others. It's also impossible to not make mistakes and, when you do, you need to be ready to show weakness to your friends, be steadfast with your enemies, and have the discernment to know the difference. It's your reputation; it's up to you to uphold it.
We can all in insensitive to others feelings by our actions. Something trivial to us can be very important and upsetting to someone else. An innocent conversation can turn to controversy, an expression can cause uncertainty, and a gift can cause jealousy. The unfortunate thing is that hindsight is 20-20; you can't always predict what someone will think about something you've done. You can, however, try to make amends.
In most situations and circumstances, an apology will suffice. Pleading innocence (or ignorance) is something most everyone does when we have wronged someone, intentionally or not. Detecting when we have wronged is usually easy to read if you know them well enough however, in some cases, it can be hard to decipher what it is we need to apologize for. We need to be willing to humble ourselves and talk to the one we have wronged about what is bothering them. Only then can you truly give a heartfelt "I'm sorry."
Sometimes sorry is not enough though. Sometimes words are not enough to mend what a seemingly careless action has broken. Sometimes you must repay the debt. It might be by buying someone lunch or a birthday present but, if you are truly wanting to stay in someones good graces, you may be required to spend time and/or money to show you really care. On a different note, you must also be careful to not overdue it and seem to want to buy friendship or fall into the trap of "over paying back." You want to be their friend, not their personal gift shop.
And finally, you must come to the realization that it is impossible to please everyone. It is hard to fix a bond that never existed. You can't always make acquaintances forget their first impression. You must be ready to walk away from the situation. It's more hard for some than others, but sometimes the best way to save face is to just leave the problem alone.
It's impossible to not want to be liked. Human beings are social creatures that live and die on the acceptance of others. It's also impossible to not make mistakes and, when you do, you need to be ready to show weakness to your friends, be steadfast with your enemies, and have the discernment to know the difference. It's your reputation; it's up to you to uphold it.
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