Nobody wants to look stupid. Whether you are in a group of friends or you are the friendless one of the group, the one thing that is on your mind is leaving your audience with a good impression. This can not always be done, as we all know, and we put our foot in our mouth far more often than we would like. While this by itself can be embarrassing, it is often our attempt at recovery that can make us look downright foolish. So if it is these attempts that truly show our failings, why do we even try them? Why do we attempt to save-face if it could possibly do nothing but expand our mistakes? It is because we are taught to strive for that "A+" in everything, no matter what the cost.
Life doesn't come with grades; it's built on relationships. Why do we then strive for "perfection" when the idea of it is different for everyone? We put it in our heads that success is about doing everything right. What we don't see is that progress is much more based on mistakes, those little bumps on the road of life, that steer us towards success. Thomas Edison stated, "I have not failed 700 times. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those 700 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work."
Mistakes can really take a toll on a persons ego, but, when treated right, can also be an ego booster; it's all about how you take it. If your mistakes cause you shame, you will never be able to live up to your expectations. If you view your mistakes as a learning experience, you will grow internally towards your goals. If you accept your mistakes, even laugh at them, you can put yourself farther up on the path to being who you want to be. Your mistakes may embarrass you, but you'll never grow from them until you accept what you did and try to not do it again. Self pity doesn't help you here; you need to move onward with a better perspective. The journey to success is a long road of mistakes, but as long as you let each mistake guide you, you'll wind up where you want to be.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Saturday, September 4, 2010
It's about staying positive
Why is it that, no matter how much we try, we all tend to offer negative views of our friends, ourselves, or the world at one time or another? Why do we scorn ourselves just because we have responsibilities? Why is it that, after every little set back in our lives, we resort to belittling ourselves and stating "FML" as if our life is the armpit of the world? Why do we, as Americans, think we have it so bad sometimes while a dozen kids died from hunger in the time it took me to write this sentence? Why?
Life is full of ups and downs, but for some reason it is the down moments that stick to us the most. We have gotten so complacent with having an easy life that, after every nit-picky thing that happens, we curse the world. Emotional injury is the worst thing that most of us will ever know and, for many, that is enough to drive them to suicide. It's funny to think that, somewhere out there, there is a boy who is in more pain than I could ever imagine from malnutrition and yet pleads for life while a boy down the street begs for death after his girlfriend of two weeks leaves him. How pampered our lives have become.
Life is full of ups and downs, but for some reason it is the down moments that stick to us the most. We have gotten so complacent with having an easy life that, after every nit-picky thing that happens, we curse the world. Emotional injury is the worst thing that most of us will ever know and, for many, that is enough to drive them to suicide. It's funny to think that, somewhere out there, there is a boy who is in more pain than I could ever imagine from malnutrition and yet pleads for life while a boy down the street begs for death after his girlfriend of two weeks leaves him. How pampered our lives have become.
What's worst is that all of this is unnecessary. No, I'm not saying that you can stop yourself from getting emotionally hurt, but you can make it through if don't focus on the negativity of your life. It's very easy to wallow in your own self pity, never letting go of your pain, but the great thing about emotional pain is that you have the power to fix it, no doctor required. It's all about staying positive.
The same way that a cancer patient has much better odds of recovering if they have a positive outlook, we can help ourself overcome our own emotional pain. We need to view the proverbial "finish line" of our situation and concentrate on getting there, looking past how we got here. Just how Olympic athletes are told to focus on the gold, we must focus on getting back to the state of mind where we feel comfortable and happy. Things can help us along, like our friends and loved ones, but it has to be our choice to run to the finish and not wander around the starting gate. While it's hard to look past what has wronged us, and, in truth, we never fully can, it's something that is really essential to do in order to maintain ourselves how we were created to be. So, when your world seems to be falling down, run to the finish line. Maybe when you get there you'll realize that your world isn't as bad as you believed.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
It's just the way it is
Somethings will never change. No matter what you do or say, there will be things in your life that will be outside of your control and, as hard as you might try, you will still try and change it. What is important to remember, though, is that it's not how you react when you encounter something that is outside of your power, it's the state of mind that you rationalize the situation in. What does that mean? It means that it's not how you defend against the situation that is important, it's how you plan the defenses.
Now I know that you must be thinking that not every situation involves defenses, and you'd be right, but doing nothing about a situation that you have no control over is usually the worst possible option. However, if there is nothing to be done, why should you then do anything at all? The reason is that just because you can't win does not mean that you necessarily have to lose. It's all about changing your perspective.
When one usually encounters something beyond them, it usually involves or revolves around another person. Whether it be an attitude that doesn't change, a mannerism that won't go away, a rule that won't break, or whatever it may be, the immovable object is usually a human being and, many times, that person is immovable because we either think they are or don't want to show them they aren't. We, as a society, have placed such a high value on personal feelings that we will, more often then not, choose our own discomfort than risk offending someone. This viewpoint, however politically correct it may be, is wrong.
While I do not believe that our own comfort should ever come before someone else's well being or feelings, we aren't helping anyone by letting every uncomfortable situation stand. We are here on this earth to help each other, but we cannot do that if we are too afraid to do anything because they may feel hurt. But, like I said earlier, it's not how we plan on telling the person, it's how we perceive the situation that we are in.
We are trained to think of ourselves first but, in this case, this is the worst possible thing we can do. We must try to see the other persons side of the story first and then, and only then, try to see how our viewpoint connects with theirs. Just because someone is wronging you does not mean that they are intentionally doing it, they may just be accustomed to a different manner of social interaction. Just because someone is seemingly ignoring you does not have to mean that you are unimportant, that person may just be unable to give you the attention that you want at the moment. Just because someone is seemingly passing up on time spent with you for others does not have to mean that you are not important, they may have more time critical things that need to be done.
What do we get by realizing what the other person is seeing the situation as? We can then better understand how our viewpoint is different and then present the differences to the other party. How is this different then a simple confrontation? By doing this, you are more likely to have a calm demeanor when you address the person and also have a better understanding of them so you do not blatantly accuse them of something you think they are doing. Yes, there is still a chance that the person may be offended, but you should never place yourself in the backseat in any relationship. Just because you may not currently be in the drivers seat does not mean that you are not helping to navigate and steer the relationship to where you both want. As soon as we are ready to realize that we need to try and see things as they are before acknowledging our own assumptions, we can prepare to push our unmovable object to where you want and need it to be. An unmovable object is only as steadfast as you allow yourself to make it out to be.
Now I know that you must be thinking that not every situation involves defenses, and you'd be right, but doing nothing about a situation that you have no control over is usually the worst possible option. However, if there is nothing to be done, why should you then do anything at all? The reason is that just because you can't win does not mean that you necessarily have to lose. It's all about changing your perspective.
When one usually encounters something beyond them, it usually involves or revolves around another person. Whether it be an attitude that doesn't change, a mannerism that won't go away, a rule that won't break, or whatever it may be, the immovable object is usually a human being and, many times, that person is immovable because we either think they are or don't want to show them they aren't. We, as a society, have placed such a high value on personal feelings that we will, more often then not, choose our own discomfort than risk offending someone. This viewpoint, however politically correct it may be, is wrong.
While I do not believe that our own comfort should ever come before someone else's well being or feelings, we aren't helping anyone by letting every uncomfortable situation stand. We are here on this earth to help each other, but we cannot do that if we are too afraid to do anything because they may feel hurt. But, like I said earlier, it's not how we plan on telling the person, it's how we perceive the situation that we are in.
We are trained to think of ourselves first but, in this case, this is the worst possible thing we can do. We must try to see the other persons side of the story first and then, and only then, try to see how our viewpoint connects with theirs. Just because someone is wronging you does not mean that they are intentionally doing it, they may just be accustomed to a different manner of social interaction. Just because someone is seemingly ignoring you does not have to mean that you are unimportant, that person may just be unable to give you the attention that you want at the moment. Just because someone is seemingly passing up on time spent with you for others does not have to mean that you are not important, they may have more time critical things that need to be done.
What do we get by realizing what the other person is seeing the situation as? We can then better understand how our viewpoint is different and then present the differences to the other party. How is this different then a simple confrontation? By doing this, you are more likely to have a calm demeanor when you address the person and also have a better understanding of them so you do not blatantly accuse them of something you think they are doing. Yes, there is still a chance that the person may be offended, but you should never place yourself in the backseat in any relationship. Just because you may not currently be in the drivers seat does not mean that you are not helping to navigate and steer the relationship to where you both want. As soon as we are ready to realize that we need to try and see things as they are before acknowledging our own assumptions, we can prepare to push our unmovable object to where you want and need it to be. An unmovable object is only as steadfast as you allow yourself to make it out to be.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
It's God
It's hard to believe in something that is wrong. Putting your faith in something that is full of errors would be a foolish and costly mistake. People would never walk over a bridge that had no supports or had holes in it, and the same is true with the spiritual side of life. While people can say that the Bible is 100 percent true because it is showing us God and God is 100 percent true, this is false. The Bible is 100 percent true because God made it so.
As we can see in God's Word in John 1:1, the Bible is not just the sayings of God or the actions of God, it is God. While the translations now will differ and the wording may have changed, the original writings that were passed through the writers were inerrant and literally God putting himself down on paper. Time and time again the Bible has been fact checked and, each and every time, has been proven correct. You can find fault in His word as easily as you can find fault in Him.
Why then are not all “holy books” this way? Well, sadly, just because you were born in year 500 BC and write about God does not mean that God is writing through you. Yes, many of these books contain much that we can learn from, but we cannot claim what has come from men as 100 percent fact.
The main thing to differentiate from the Bible and all “holy” writings is, bluntly, the author. Yes, the scribe was different, but the dictator of His word was the same. We can all rest easy that, like it says in Matthew 5:18 and like God Himself, His word will never change.
As we can see in God's Word in John 1:1, the Bible is not just the sayings of God or the actions of God, it is God. While the translations now will differ and the wording may have changed, the original writings that were passed through the writers were inerrant and literally God putting himself down on paper. Time and time again the Bible has been fact checked and, each and every time, has been proven correct. You can find fault in His word as easily as you can find fault in Him.
Why then are not all “holy books” this way? Well, sadly, just because you were born in year 500 BC and write about God does not mean that God is writing through you. Yes, many of these books contain much that we can learn from, but we cannot claim what has come from men as 100 percent fact.
The main thing to differentiate from the Bible and all “holy” writings is, bluntly, the author. Yes, the scribe was different, but the dictator of His word was the same. We can all rest easy that, like it says in Matthew 5:18 and like God Himself, His word will never change.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
It's about strengthening each other
We all have areas of weakness. Whether it be something we continually do without wanting to, or not doing something because we are afraid or just don't want to, it is something we all struggle with each and every day. Unfortunately, it is hard to expect us to be able to handle these issues on our own; by our own definition, we are too weak. We need help.
Here is where things get difficult though; just because someone is willing to help you doesn't mean that they can or even should. This comes back to the famous quote by Jesus, "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Just because someone isn't suffering from the same ineptitude does not mean that they are the right person to help us, even if they have the desire to do so. Why? Put simply, one way strengthening won't let them worry about their own areas that need growth; you need to strengthen each other.
What it comes down to is balance. You can't expect someone who doesn't excel in your weaknesses to be able to help you and vice-versa. Whether its compiling a circle of friends to help the next, or finding your perfect opposite, the only way for real growth is to build on each other without weighing them down. Just how you wouldn't build on a weak foundation, you must fill in each others cracks and be both the foundation and tower together.
It's not easy accepting your own weaknesses, much less sharing them with others. All of our lives we are taught to deal with our own problems and that, "God helps those who help themselves." What we fail to realize is that God is here for the sick, not the well. It's when we realize we are helpless that He most comforts us, and He doesn't do that alone. He has given us all friends or family to help us overcome what holds us back; all perfectly chosen just for you. Opposites attract for a reason; they are the peanut butter to your jelly, but only together can you be greater than the sum of your parts and become the perfect sandwich.
And I'd like to think God enjoys a good PB&J. :)
Here is where things get difficult though; just because someone is willing to help you doesn't mean that they can or even should. This comes back to the famous quote by Jesus, "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Just because someone isn't suffering from the same ineptitude does not mean that they are the right person to help us, even if they have the desire to do so. Why? Put simply, one way strengthening won't let them worry about their own areas that need growth; you need to strengthen each other.
What it comes down to is balance. You can't expect someone who doesn't excel in your weaknesses to be able to help you and vice-versa. Whether its compiling a circle of friends to help the next, or finding your perfect opposite, the only way for real growth is to build on each other without weighing them down. Just how you wouldn't build on a weak foundation, you must fill in each others cracks and be both the foundation and tower together.
It's not easy accepting your own weaknesses, much less sharing them with others. All of our lives we are taught to deal with our own problems and that, "God helps those who help themselves." What we fail to realize is that God is here for the sick, not the well. It's when we realize we are helpless that He most comforts us, and He doesn't do that alone. He has given us all friends or family to help us overcome what holds us back; all perfectly chosen just for you. Opposites attract for a reason; they are the peanut butter to your jelly, but only together can you be greater than the sum of your parts and become the perfect sandwich.
And I'd like to think God enjoys a good PB&J. :)
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